Lucas Miré :: Songster

LYRICS

Never Regret The Nights (2009)
how to run
chalk
never regret the nights
blink (one of these days)
london
throwaway
a good day
matinee
blue highways
my mother's only daughter
you got me
i'm the one

Forever's Not As Long As It Used To Be (2005)
Push/Pull
Swallowed Whole
Francis
Radio
Fill in the Blanks
Go It Alone
City Lights
Sunday
24 hours

Songs at the Point, Compilation (2004)
1-1,000-2

B-sides and others still waiting
passing through
heartbeat
old movie
thom met a model
another minute
give it away
sleep (american dream)
sick of myself
me myself and i
skyscraper
something better to do
now that it's over
that's the way
anything
widescreen
doubled back
brad
i don't want to move
independence day
the cure
some bends
when i was you

:: how to run ::

I know how to sing
I know how to bring
myself to whatever is unfolding
I know how to let go of what is getting going

I know how to try
I know how to lie
to myself when i'm in my bed at night
I know how to drown swimming against your tide

And five years on
I belong to no one

Chorus
Because I know how to run
I know how to fall
then I know how to feel nothing at all
I know how love where I'm going
much more than where I'm coming from
yeah, I know how to run

And I know that you love me
I know that I love you, too
Especially when you do all the things I want you to
I know that you're the closest one
that's come to breaking through

Oh, but ten years on
I'm still not the one

Chorus

I know how to run, run, run, run

Bridge
Phone numbers stuffed into my pockets
Bird flying off my window sill
And no matter how far I can rocket out of here
I will fear just standing still

Because 30 years on
I still feel the bomb

Chorus
And I know how to run
I know how to hide
I know how to feel nothing inside
I know how to love what's possible
more than what's done
I know how to run
Yeah, I know how to run
I know how to run, run, run, run,
Run, run, run, run, run
I know...
How to run

:: i'm the one ::

I walk by your house but you're not home
The message you left told me you'd be gone
I guess Monday morning isn't really that far
I can't reach you where you are

I guess mindreading is my new hobby
All I know is that it's exhausting
So maybe instead I'll go wish on a star
I can't reach you where you are

Chorus
But it's ok this time around
because I'm much more less lost than found
Maybe I'm the one
that I've been waiting for
Maybe I'm the one I've been waiting for

And I wanna call LA when you act that way
But it's too late for those twentysomething getaways
So if you want me I'll be in the car
I can't reach you where you are

Chorus

Bridge
you're the book that read
you're the movie I saw
you're the song stuck in my head
you're the strings on my guitar
but I can't reach you where you are

Chorus
But it's ok this time around
because I'm much more less lost
I know who's gonna love me now
because I am the one I've been waiting for
You can hurt me I don't care, hurt me I don't care...

:: matinee ::

Are you afraid of love
or are you in it?
A vampire in reverse
you never let the night in
It's your movie and, god,
you love acting in it

In two hours, we play out all the scenes
Like some afternoon un-dress rehearsing
The climax, the denouement
and the ambiguous ending

I think I've seen this one before

Chorus
When reality pulls me down
somehow you know that's just the time
to come around
We break the rules, seize the day,
you steal the crown,
but I give it away...
and I will be your matinee

A trail of clothes
that leads to an empty room
A trail of lies that leads
to an emptier truth
A trail of tears when they find out
what we've been up to

I think I've seen this one before

Chorus

Bridge
And no one wants to play the part of the fool
But no one wants to choose

Chorus

:: you got me ::

You got a way with words
You got a way of living life
You got me thinking this thing might be
really, really nice

You got me counting all my blessings
You got me staying up too late
You got me trying really hard at work
just to concentrate
I can't concentrate

Chorus
You got me
You got me
You got me
and maybe I got you

You got me burning mix cds
You got me stuck on bad tv shows
You got me believing I'm finally
on the right road

You got me all smiles, all the time
You got me forgetting the wreckage
You got me waiting all night by the phone
for one more text message
I want just one more text message

Chorus
You got me
You got me, baby
You got me
and maybe I got you
maybe I got you, too

You got your way with me
You got me spending all the nights
You got me wondering what I bring to the table
for the first time in my life
it feels like the first time

Chorus
You got me
You got me
You got me
and maybe
I got you, too.
I sure hope that I do.

You got a way with words
You got a way of living life
You got me thinking
this could be really, really nice.

:: a good day ::

It's a good day to begin
The thing that came after the thing that ended
but there's nothing on T.V. tonight
so I go to bed at 9

tomorrow is one more shot at the prize

the sunlight makes me want to squint
and your face is so beautiful when it's bathed in it
but i've got so much on my mind right now
and i want to let you in, but i don't know how

but it feels right when you stay the night
but i don't
want to waste all this time
talking on the phone

when we have one more shot at the prize
i'm taking my next shot at the prize
they said that it was over, but they lied
so i'm taking my last shot at the prize

instrumental

it's hard not to expect the worst
but it's the untaken risk that really hurts
i see that chance coming round the bend
and i won't mess it up again

so I try to resist
all the people I miss
as the fear rushes in
and I'm finally resolved
got to take it all on the chin

to get in my last shot at the prize
they said that it was over, but they lied
and I'm so glad that I'm still alive
to take my next last shot at the prize

it's a good day to begin

:: passing through ::

Do what you're told, follow the rules, and you might get a prize
Everyday I see that vague hope in my coworker's eyes
And everyday I ask the question: "am I ok?"
But I don't stick around to hear what anyone might say

All the people that I've kissed
am I ever what they miss
when they can't sleep at night?

I can't sleep. I can't sleep.

I look in the mirror
and I don't know who I see
I guess life's like me
and doesn't follow through on possiblity

It's OK to wonder
what would have happened
if I were still younger

I was so much younger
And we're all young to someone

And one day I'll be older
But that doesn't mean wiser
Life's like a circle that holds us
Until one day we're just too tired...

So I guess it's OK if I don't play the game anymore
Maybe I'll make dinner, watch tv, do some chores
and find the joy in watching
the moments passing
without touching

I won't hold on...
There's nothing to hold on to
It's all just passing through
We're all just passing through

:: blink ::

you don't call me and i panic
expectation meets semantics
and i start looking for the holes

growing up has never been this tough
you could never reassure me enough
this terror, well, it comes and goes

but one of these days
i'll be alright
the past won't replay this time
and one of these nights
in the blink of an eye
i'll be
la di da da de di da
la di da di da di da

if i believe it, then i'll see it
when good enough's alone, i leave it
and i could be real bad news

because once i win it, then it starts to dim
and I can't feel it, though I'm in it
and i don't even trust the truth

but one of these days
it'll be alright
the past won't replay this time
and one of these nights
in the blink of an eye
i'll be
la di da da de di da
la di da di da di da

BRIDGE
i can't avoid the crash
don't know how to make this last
i can only touch it as it passes
and i can't compare you
it's not fair to the others who
even on their best days
just weren't you...
they weren't you....
they weren't la di de da di de da

but one of these days
it'll be alright
the past won't replay this time
and one of these nights
in the blink of an eye
i'll be
la di da da de di da
la di da di da di da

:: never regret the nights ::

here we are
i'm finally alone with you
you came over and kissed me on my balcony
and we threw back a few

and here you are
on my cellphone tonight
you make me laugh out loud
and feel so electric and alive
i'm electric and alive

no matter what
version of us comes true
i'll never regret the nights
i spent with you

and here i am
scared of being a fool
because I have no idea what normal is
or why i'm so into you

and here you are
you're on my mind again
so i can question this thing to death
or just dive in
think i'll dive in

so no matter what
version of us comes true
i'll never regret the nights
that i spent with you

and i've never wanted something so much
i've never felt more exposed
and i've never been so sure
that i've never been in love before
no i've never been in love before
it feels like i've never been in love before

because all this time
i've been making do
but you opened my eyes
and i want to thank you, thank you, thank you
because no matter what
version of us comes true
i'll never regret the nights
i spent with you

here you are
and here you are
here you are
and here we are...

:: london ::

And you're not here
for two more weeks
so I re-read the email you sent me
before you left

I don't really know you
but, o, i want to...
so if i get drunk and stupid
I might feel foolish but
i don't think
i'll ever shake this thing
while...

You're in London
You're in London
You're in London
And you say your cell phone won't work over there
You're in London
and I don't care

And you're not here
so I'm left with this song
words and sounds strung along a line
and these two chords that come in time
and just go back and forth, in my mind I go
back and forth, back and forth
and forth and back...
inventing my own distractions
while....

You're in London
You're in London
You're in London
And i guess your fingers don't work over there
You're in London
and I'm not supposed to care

so maybe you kiss somebody you miss me so
you kiss somebody you miss me so you kiss somebody
you miss me so
you kiss somebody you mistake for me because you're lonely
but i'm just fine, but those arms aren't mine
while...

You're in London
You're in London
You're in London
And i guess your young heart don't work over there
You're in London
and I'm not supposed to care

You're In London
I'm in Love
You're in London
I'm in Love

And you're not here
for two more weeks
so I re-read that e-mail you sent me

:: throwaway ::

I don't know what I expected
but maybe just a little more than this
you think by now i'd have learned all my lessons
but it is what it is til it is what it isn't

o god i hope i'm wrong
because there's nothing i can do
but i can't keep throwing me away
to be with you

And I'm guess in your business again
because I'm feeling like I'm in this alone
over 30 years you've cleaned up your messes
i guess you'll do what you do till you do what you don't

but o god i hope i'm wrong
because i don't know what else to do
i can't keep throwing me away
to be with you

and it seemed so easy when we colored inside the lines
and it seemed so easy when you answered my call everytime
and if it seemed like you were there when you weren't
well, maybe what you call love is just getting caught up in the current

can't you see that? can't you see that?

but o god i hope i'm wrong
because i don't know what else to do
i can't keep throwing me away
to be with you

:: blue highways ::

Wooden houses blur by my rolled-down window
I change the radio dial with my thumb
I found one of your hairs today on my pillow
though I belong to no place now and to no one

I'm an abandoned town in your open country
I see the life I could have lived laying down that road
But when losing everything feels like freedom
There?s really nothing else to do but pack your bags and go

CHORUS
The courage to travel the smallest roads
To take life as it comes before it goes
And always to know when you have to stay
Sometimes I think I'll just grow old
Just watching the cars fly by and all the lights change
Out on the blue highways

This is the ballad of the sad café
It seems like the only song I ever learned
Even though I want you in the worst of ways
I like the way this melancholy smells when it burns

BRIDGE
What if every road out there
Only takes you into your own parts unknown
Like a dustbowl symphony of despair
Coming over every station on the radio
What if everyone you meet really cares?
then you've already made it home

CHORUS

I'm an abandoned town in your open country

:: push/pull ::

Close my eyes and try to sleep
What's here will keep
I'm scared if I speak
Somebody will bleed

I feel the push and the pull
Like I never thought I would
Nothing's ever enough
Come on and love love love
Come on and love love love

Two sides to everything
Feel them tug at my sleeve
One says, �Hey, come with me�
Then other says, �Please�

I feel the push and the pull
Like I never thought I would
Nothing's ever enough
Come on and love love love
Come on and love love love

Come on and love
It's only love�

And the other end of the telephone
Stretches into the Twilight Zone
I hang up, I'm alone
Listen to the dial tone drone on�and

I feel the push and the pull
Like I never thought I would
Nothing's ever enough
Come on and love love love
Come on and love love love

:: fill in the blanks ::

You said, �Promise you'll always tell me the truth�
But you didn't say if that rule also applied to you
Maybe you meant it at the time
But the future has a way of changing its mind

I was so ready to
Fill in all the blanks of you
Color in your courage
Turn you into the man I knew
I'd rather fill in the blanks of you

Maybe it's ok if the details fray around the edges
Maybe it's just that I don't want to be alone forever
Maybe we all need something to believe
And so we chalk up the pain to the benefit of doubting

I was so ready to
Fill in the blanks of you
Color in your courage
Turn you into the man I knew
But every adjective I could use
Never carried the burden of proof
And now I know I didn't want to know the truth
I'd rather fill in the blanks of you
So I could turn you into who I wanted you to be

They say if you haven't heard, you've heard
They say no news is all the news you need
But I never imagined that I would be the one waiting

You said, �I'd rather see you bare your soul�
But you didn't really say it, it was on a t-shirt that you wore

:: sunday ::

Don't mean to complain
It's just been one of those days
And I'm trying to refrain from placing the blame
In the wrong place

I slept until 12
spent the day by myself
I didn't want to see anyone else
Another day is done
Then another one comes
But I already know how it ends
It happens
over and over, over and over again

Didn't mean to be so mean
Didn't mean to seem the way I seemed
It's just I'm confused
See, my heart has this glue
sticks to anything blue

I slept until 12
spent the day by myself
I didn't want to be with anyone else
Another love is done
Then another one comes
But I already know how it ends
And I feel it
coming around, coming around again

I still miss you but you don't believe me
Add me to the list of things you don't need

I slept until 12
spent the day by myself
I didn't want to deal with anyone else
Another day is done
Then another one comes
But I already know how it ends
It happens over and over, over and over again
Yeah and it's coming around, coming around again

I still love you but you don't believe me
add me to the list of all the things you don't need
you don't need me

A song for Brian. Haven't you ever been so distraught and there is so much on your mind...that you're just glad you don't have to worry about your heart beating and your body breathing. It requires no thought, and when you're in pain, sometimes that's all you've got.

i call you up but you let it ring
i lie in bed, but i can't sleep
i watch movies on my laptop tv
glad god put my heartbeat on repeat

you can't say you love me but i know you do
you're full of lies but baby sometimes they're true
and you're pulling away just to pull through
you're made of stone but i can see through you

i can see through you.

and i'm beginning to see
what you mean
and i'm beginning to see
what it means
to be in between

saw my future in another glass of wine
a blind man could read between these tired old lines of mine
but i'm just trying to dilute the memory of that look in your eyes
maybe i'm another boy for another time

maybe i will always be for another time.

but i'm beginning to see
what you mean to me
i'm beginning to see
what it means to be in between
and I'm beginning to feel
everything
oh oh, i'm beginning to see
what you mean to me

the moon followed us both home tonight
you're alone tonight
and baby so am i
but there's just one little word
that keeps running through my mind
baby why, why
can you tell me why...

why now?

i'm beginning to see
what you mean to me
i'm beginning to feel
everything
you ever gave to me
and i'm beginning to live
in our memories
oh oh, i'm beginning to see
what you mean to me

i call you up but you let it ring
i lie in bed but baby i ain't sleeping
i watch movies on my laptop tv
glad god put my breath on repeat

:: go it alone ::

We were so pleased with 'radio,' Biscuit and I tried another collaboration....the lyrics came in a rush, out of me being single for the first time in years and realizing that no matter if you are with someone for a hundred years, you're still on your own road, doing your own thing. I learned this while walking a labyrinth in North Carolina in Jan. 2004. This guy joined arms with me as I was walking out and we walked and walked forever with our arms linked, he walking his path and me walking my path. We were having a great time. It appeared we were walking the same direction, but oh, no! we got to a point where his road took him the opposite way from my path. I was walking out, and even though we were both walking in the same direction, he was really walking in!!!! I was pretty shocked at how life can be like that, too. How it can look that you're on the same road with someone, but actually you're on two different roads that aren't even going in the same directions at all...it's all an illusion. You're on your own road, period. A few weeks later, I wanted to add that of course I didn't mean without the universe....the universe, your version of g-d always is there, i believe.

you're wearing my old blue shirt
the one i left at your house
at brad's party, we talked all night
but i can't remember what it was we talked about

but i remember holding hands on the street...
and that used to mean something

o, we go it alone
whether or not you know
we all go it alone

you're wearing the smile you gave me
the night that we first met
before i knew how far under my thin skin you could get yourself

and i remember the smoke on your breath
from your last cigarette

and o
we go it alone
whether or not you know (it's true)
we go it alone (wherever we're going to)

you wanted to drink red wine with your windows open to the street
and, man, i thought you were the coolest thing
we looked at each other for a while without saying anything
or getting that far
and that night the stars, they looked so close that i almost broke
but then i just drove home

o, we go it alone
that's all i've got know
where i'm going, i'm going alone
we're all going alone
we all go it alone
wherever we're going to
wherever we're going to

:: radio ::

My first songwriting collaboration. Biscuit's music is great and when i heard it that first time, he said it sounded like a tv show theme song...and that just made me think of a relationship stuck on repeat.

it's the same old thing
just another day
these spinning wheels
stay in place
every night i feel the possibility
sometimes i don't know who's to say
what's really real?

CHORUS
but the t.v.'s on
and the stereo
plays another song
we already know
what
what's got to change

just another day wandering
all the downtown streets
and the blinking lights
it's all a blur
i want to go, but i don't know
what should i feel?

and the t.v.'s on
and the radio
plays another song
we already know
what
what's got to change

the city lights
they never stop

all the blinking lights
i'll be alright
i listen to the radio

CHORUS

i listen to the radio
the radio....

:: old movie ::

The first song I wrote in 2003 cobbles together several conversations and experiences I had with friends the couple of weeks before. A lot of people wrote about being in a rut, about never finding love and then worried about sabotaging it when they do, so I threw that in the stew with my own half-baked new agey beliefs and waaaalah! a song.

you remind me of
someone that i used to
think that i loved
what was i supposed to do?
you look the same
you make the same mistakes
you sing the same refrains

i'm suffocating
but it's just me
turn my face to the wall
then wonder why i can't see
my way outta here
and it's like i'm a little kid again

it's happening.
it's happening again.

CHORUS
loving you is just a way i distance my dreams
but objects in this heart are closer than they seem
you want to save a step?
i know what happens next:
a self-fufilling prophecy
i've got this disease called
futility.

i'm hemorrhaging belief
everytime one of these things
turns into the same old movie i've already seen
i'm delicately balancing
what i need
with what i need to grieve

sex, sleep and caffeine:
my crutches lined up
waiting for me
for when I need some escaping
i know tomorrow will bring
another sink of empties to clean

it's happening again.
it's happening again.

CHORUS

BRIDGE
life is funny that way
sneaks by day by day
until there's nothing left to say
except

it's happening.
it's happening again.

CHORUS

:: chalk ::

My former best friend Scott Strong introduced me to a quote about how at some point you will look back and compare the life you lived with the life you thought you'd live. This song came from that, and I think from turning 30 this year. I put a shout out to Joey R. in the last verse...he's always talking about 'the rub.'

here's what i didn't expect
they don't tell you about regret
maybe i thought i could forget
or just change my mind.

then my mind did change
life took me another way
there are no mistakes to make
everyone says "you'll be just fine."

CHORUS
but nobody warned me
life could feel empty
when your dreams come true
and you think you've gotten what you want.
the other life i was supposed to live,
time went and murdered it
and the body is lying there outlined on the sidewalk.
But that line of chalk
is around my heart.

when i was a little boy
i thought i would be destroyed
if i didn't take care of everyone and everything.

and when i became a man,
i thought i'd understand
how to make a plan
and finally be happy.

CHORUS

what if this is it?
then i'd better figure it out and quick
before i miss it or it blows away on the wind.

but what if that's the rub?
i'm surrounded by so much love
But i just ruin it all with my well-rehearsed discontent...

CHORUS

:: thom met a model ::

This song is radically different from my other songs in its use of satire. I don't think I could have written this song even a year ago. B said it was 'fun.'

thom met a model
he liked her skin
and he liked her boobs and the oh-so-sexy way he knew she would reflect on him

the model liked his car
the attention and drinks
happiness isn't what she feels when she's with him, but it's what she thinks
yeah, she thinks

CHORUS 1
and it's OK if you have to spit on it to make it shine
it's appearances that matter most in good ol' America the beautiful
if i see what i want and find a way to make it mine
aren't i being dutiful?
aren't i dutiful?

the model is starving
for more than food
she's suffered for her looks long enough, now thom has to suffer for them, too

but on the inside
they're both the same
so there can't be any cracks in the surfaces or any fumbles in the games

CHORUS 2
but it's OK if you have to spit on it to make it shine
it's the surfaces that matter most in America the beautiful
if you ask how i'm doing and i say, 'just fine'
aren't i being dutiful?
aren't i dutiful?

BRIDGE
the things we were raised to believe
shoved down our throats through a mass force feeding of TV and magazines
well that kind of living eventually loses its sheen
once you realize
you're just the grease in the machine

thom married the model
they left the city
bought a big house with a pool in the countryside, man ain't that picture pretty? the future's pretty

CHORUS 3
it's OK if you have to spit on it to make it shine
it's the finished product that matters in America the beautiful
if i see what i want and i find a way to make it mine
aren't i being dutiful?
aren't i dutiful?

thom met a model
thom met a model
thom met a model
thom met a model

:: 1-1,000-2 ::

I wrote this song at Lori Carson's inaugural songwriting workshop in August 2002 on the furthest tip of Long Island's North Fork, surrounded by 10 other super songwriters from literally around the world. This song will always be special because of that.

we ran for cover, then we just gave up
we counted one, one thousand, two, after the lightning struck
like a snowglobe that's been shaken up,
except that nothing settles down

we stayed inside with magazines and food
you spent the whole day sleeping in our bedroom
i watched tv by myself, but the screen was blue
with cats and dogs coming down

and I think there's gonna be more partly cloudy skies
can it keep raining the rest of this rainy night?
this pattern we're in has no end in sight,
but nothing lasts forever,
ain't that right?

instrumental

but there's something about taking a walk
in the rain
catch your death, get all wet, maybe get called insane
remember writing our names on that wet windowpane?
things like that
keep me around

when i think there's gonna be more partly cloudy skies
will it keep raining the rest of this rainy life
this pattern i'm in has no end in sight
but nothing lasts forever
i don't know why

we ran for cover, then we just gave up
we counted one, one-thousand, two, after the lightning struck

:: city lights ::

I thought I was having a heart attack the night I wrote this simple little song. It was waiting to be born for a few days. I wanted to write a song that was as much about missing a city as it was about missing a person. About how being young and in love is more rarified when it's citified. I miss that. I used Lori's songwriting process and I think it really shows in the song. I'm glad I didn't die that night from my imagined heart attack.

you said 'i'll see you later'
before the sidewalk swallowed you whole
standing at 5th and Mystery,
city lights dance, you turn to go.

a sea of headlights on the boulevard,
like an earthbound river of stars.
they blur by me on my way
past the blueish tint of the bars.

CHORUS
what i wouldn't give
to know if you're still beautiful?
but maybe those things are best left behind.
what if i could go back in time
and be more vulnerable?
well, somewhere in my mind
those city lights still ...
shine.

that's where you bought that shirt
that's where you said 'i love you' first
that's where we sat and talked and talked
after we walked and walked and walked...

that's the corner we turned
and something broke beneath our feet
a burned out white christmas bulb
crushed there on the cold concrete.

CHORUS

there are things you want, things you love,
things you lose, and to me, all of them are what you are.
watching the night skyline you said quietly:
'don't confuse the city lights with stars.'

what i wouldn't give to know
if you're still wonderful?
maybe those things are better left behind.
what if i could go back in time
and be more vulnerable?
well, somewhere in my mind,
those city lights always...
shine.

:: another minute ::

This song came in about 10 angry minutes and I played it for the person it is about and they said, obliviously, "wow, what a great song... what's it about?" Sometimes, looking back, it's so clear that life is taking care of you even when you think that it's letting you down.

you're like a leaf on the wind
against my sky
you said if i'd stay and wait
i wouldn't get egg on my face,
i guess you lied.

you're like a book for the blind
but i don't read Braille.
i run my fingers between your lines
cuz you don't say what's on your mind.
i guess we failed.

because i've had
enough ambivalence
i don't think that i can stand,
another minute. another minute.

it's the disease of the week
without a name.
you said, "i love you, too,"
because i said it first to you,
well the script's the same,
but the faces have changed.

because i've had
too much indifference.
i don't think that i can stand
another minute. another minute

o, and i don't break
but i can cry.
o, and everybody knows
this is just the way it goes,
well, i...
i thought that we would be
different, you and i

because i've had
enough of your shit.
and i don't think i can stand
another minute. another minute.

:: i give it away ::

I wrote this song about my (former!) frustrating and self-defeating habit of just jumping into relationships, even if i didn't really know if i liked the person myself. it's how it's so easy to forget the things you are looking for are really inside yourself, and there's no need to go giving your power away.

it's easy to get what you want
figuring out what that is is tricky
the fog is lifting on who I've become
and my hands are sticky.
my hands are sticky.

i take a step closer to something new
i take a step away from me
i'm clawing to get inside of you
for some sign of reciprocity.

CHORUS
i give it away
but it's never as easy as they told me
that it would be
and i look for love and forgiveness
forgetting that they originate in me
and i give it away
but it never looks the way it does in
movies and magazines
and i want to find a way to get my hands on you
and still get out clean
i'm not clean�

if you take it too fast too far,
if you get too close too much too soon,
well, that kind of thing don't leave a scar
if you can keep your finger in the wound

CHORUS

i say next time I'll be much smarter
next time I'll be more even-handed
but you can't treat love like a barter
and expect to understand it.

:: sleep (american dream) ::

I love this song because it is so true, and, while at its core, it is about love, it is not necessarily a people relationship song. performing it is alway cathartic because i believe in it so much, and it always feels rough and raw.

i know, i, i gotta go, but i
i know, i gotta figure out how to stay
i've been built for speed
since i was seventeen
and i don't know another way how to be

because it never seems
to be enough for me.
is it my fear that makes me run
when i think i've finally found someone
who could be the one?

pizza box, grocery store
dvd, email whore
wake me up from this
american dream

because if our progress rests
in more conveniences
well, i don't think i want to
go back to sleep

cuz it never seems
to make much sense to me
is it my endless need to find something,
anything i can believe in?

you gotta give to get
you believe that shit?
well, i don't know what
i want anymore

(spoken)
and if like attracts like
like a metaphysical rifle sight
well, maybe that's what i believe
this love is for

but it never seems
to be what i need.
is it my fear that makes me stay
and wait around another day
o, another day?

instrumental

cuz it never seems
to make much sense to me.
and if this is the american dream
wake me up
don't let me go back to sleep
i can't sleep.

:: sick of myself ::

I wrote this song the night I realized someone was breaking up with me and as much as I was drowning in sadness about it, I realized I was so sick of hearing myself talk about it and rehash my position and analyze it. (Typing up these song lyrics make me realize how much A Course In Miracles has influenced my writing, and the line about the friends in this song is a perfect example of that.) Irrefutably the object of my affection was a coward, but I also realized I was attracted to the coward, too. But, that's love, American-style, eh?

i'm so sick of myself, i can't see
hugging the toilet of my stinking self-esteem
as I wait around for you, for you to choose
well, i reckon it's not a bet i'd wager
so call the winning number into my cellphone/pager
and it will ring and ring and ring
but i won't move
but i think:
"ain't love cool?"
"ain't love cool?

you're looking the through the dirty windshield of your pain
and i'm doing things i'd said i'd never, all over again
like pretending that the truth is what it ain't
but i am who i am, good or bad
like it or not, i'm the best i'll ever have
and your true colors are showing through
this peeling coat of paint
and i think:
"ain't love great?"
"ain't love great?"

instrumental

and i want you to be happy, then i don't
and i want you to do the things that you won't
and sometimes it seems like there's not enough air to breathe
my friends call, but they're not my friends
and the end comes, but it's never the end
and the alarm clock on my consciousness doesn't ring
but i think:
"ain't love something?"
"ain't love something?"

then i'm drawn back to our dis-united states
as a lightness falls across your face
and i wonder why nothing ever stays in one place
why don't your feelings for me stay the same?
and why don't my feelings for you ever change?
because everybody knows
that's just the way it goes

:: me myself and i ::

I love the riff in this song, and I love the way it is crammed with words. It was kind of inspired by a particularly corrosive relationship and a nanci griffith song in which she sings "does anyone ever know the heart of anyone else?" Charlotte York also says something similar in the first season episode of Sex and the City about threesomes.

i'm walking home after midnight
and i look up and i can only see the stars
and i pass a house with all of the windows open,
the lights are on, but in the driveway there are no cars.

you're everywhere i look,
and you're nowhere at all at the same time.
i guess it's one of love's more popular illusions,
right up there with me thinking you were mine.

CHORUS:
and it's me myself and i
like a holy trinity of blame,
and i can't believe that i
thought that we, we might actually make it.
and it's a big mystery,
to have to hold and not keep,
and i can't believe i thought things would
stay the same long enough for you to know me.

you don't know me.

i'm watching the red lights blink on the tower,
and if you saw me like this, well, what would you think?
the movie of us plays in my mind every hour on the hour,
and my memory player is stuck on repeat.

and i know it may sound selfish
but wouldn't it be easier if you were dead?
and it occurs to me, you might have loved me even though you left me,
but that would be too hard for me to accept.

CHORUS

intrumental

i'm walking to work in the morning
and when i look up i can only see the sun,
i remember how i used to revolve around you like the planets,
and i can't believe i thought you were the one�
did i really ever think you were the one?
did you ever really think i was the one?

:: skyscraper ::

This song came musically one night when I was trying to learn how to play the indigo girls song "blood and fire." I got this thing going musically and then I remembered some notes i had written down about a year before about buildings and how they can be like people: so beautiful to look at and marvels of construction and design, but also how hard and inaccessible, too.

i see you there
you're always there like that
do you belong to the city
or are you mine?
standing out against
all the other buildings black,
defining the highs & lows
of my life's skyline.

if there was anything i would ever ask,
it would be to be who you want to be.
if the movie of your life was cast,
i'd still want to play the part of me.

CHORUS 1
the tallest thing standing
against the sky
but all that glass and steel won't bend,
your stony facade belies
your fear of what's beyond the horizon.
you're a skyscraper up above it all,
you won't fall, you won't fall.

you know i would never make you feel that small,
you just used me as an easy excuse, (and i know you do)
i know you feel ashamed of the things you never had at all,
and now you think you're damage-proof,
alone on your roof.

if there's anything that
i could ever hold,
it would be the memory of you.
if the story of my life was told,
i would still want you to be you.

CHORUS 2
the tallest thing standing
against the sky
but all that glass and steel won't bend,
your stoney facade belies
your desire to let someone in.
you're a skyscraper up above it all,
you won't fall, you won't fall.

BRIDGE
and i can climb and climb but i'll never reach the top,
and i can still see you from wherever i am in town.
how high will you go?
does the sky ever stop...
before your illusions come crashing down?

REPEAT BOTH CHORUSES

:: something better to do ::

This was written quickly about my frustrations with my relationship with F.J.R.IV. Rather straightforward. The tempo was slow when I wrote it. When I played it live at Eddie's Attic when the song was only a few days old, it came out incredibly fast. Maybe I was just nervous.

another story, another lie
and it's clear:
you can talk and talk but you
won't let me near.
  what's so good about all
  that therapy?
  if it won't change how you
  are with me?
well i guess i'm partly to blame...

CHORUS
i reward your bad behavior
with love
and i keep smiling while i take it
but i've had enough
  i wanted to be someone you could
  count on when your life got rough
  but i wanted someone to save me too
  but you had something better to do.

another drink, another drug
and it's intimacy
well, the man you're with tonight
don't love you, believe me.
  what's so good about finally
  feeling young and cute?
  when it's your heart and soul
  that's really you?
well, i've felt the same (that's why)

CHORUS

BRIDGE
unconditional love, conditional involvement
i can love you from a distance,
but that's not where my heart is
i know i'll never understand why you
do the things that you do.
and you've made it perfectly clear,
i don't have to.

another day, another night
and repeat
i learn to hide my
codependency.
  what's so good about
  always being right?
  if you don't feel everything
  you're not really alive.
And i can't play that game.

i reward your bad behavior
with love
and i keep smiling while i take your shit, man,
but i've had enough.
  i wanted to be someone you could
  count on when you needed love
  but i wanted someone to love me too
  but you had something better to do.

:: now that its over ::

I ran into an ex and all that same week friends kept sharing stories about how they were not over someone in their past, then this song delivered itself to me, staccatto and derivitive. I love playing it because something about it feels shameless. I also love the way it stops and starts and stops again throughout. Challenging to play and more rewarding, despite the song's flaws.

we ended up like all the rest
we don't return calls
i guess blindly hoping for the best
only obscures the writing on the wall.

and it all was in slow motion
sometimes it's still not real
love may be just a foolish notion
that gives as much as it steals...

CHORUS
it's harder now that it's over,
it's harder now that it's over,
it's harder now that it's over,
to say goodbye.

well, i believed you were the one
though i really had no proof
the facts of the matter aren't much fun
when you're faced with such an ugly truth

CHORUS

REFRAIN
it's hard to really understand
can't find my footing, or my grasp
maybe love is fiction
and I've been had.
it's hard to really understand
can't find my footing, or my grasp on this past,
maybe love is fiction
and we've all been had.

i ran into you the other night,
so much still left unsaid
yeah, the frying pan is too wide (like joni said)
and there's too much room in my bed...

CHORUS

it's not the way i wanted it
it's not the way i wanted it
it's not the way i wanted it
it's not the way i wanted it
it's not the way i wanted it
it's not the way i wanted it

:: that's the way ::

This is still up in the air and feels a bit forced, but when I played it to G.C. in NYC in August, he responded to it the most. I guess I'll keep massaging it.

take a walk with me down my street
take a look inside the first person that we meet
nothing special and the center of the universe
and i don't know which extreme hurts the worst

take a walk with me down memory lane
the scattershot school sandbox of my brain
well, terri moved to tennessee, we lost touch and still here I stand
friends forever written with sticks in the sand

CHORUS
but that's the way it's always been
sometimes life don't seem to make much sense
but darling, you know there's always a consequence
to never ever really letting anybody in:
living is dying.

all the people at this party talk a lot of shit
well, babe, you ever worked a day? then you don't know the half of it.
sometimes the heart seems more than inches from the brain
we step over the broken and homeless and then complain

CHORUS

BRIDGE
i want to in love
i want to be enough
i want to know what it takes to be satified.
i don't want to be addicted
i want to like the skin i'm in
i want to know what it's enjoy this life
as it rolls on by

CHORUS

:: anything ::

My friend Marla always calls this my 'affair' song. I always say "there is no affair! they didn't do anything." This is the first song i ever wrote for specifically for someone and i'm pretty sure it changed my life.

you can tell i've got something to say
but i can't find the words,
then i take one look at your face,
and i can see that you heard...everything.

CHORUS 1
and when you go to bed at night
do you ever wish he was me?
all my friends say that it isn't right,
but from you i'll take anything.
i'll take anything.

we never mention his name
but somehow he's always there.
if he weren't, would it still be the same?
would you still break my stare?

CHORUS 2
and when you go to bed at night,
do you ever wish he was me?
all my friends say it will be all right,
because from you i'll take anything,
i'll take anything.

you drop me off at the door,
and you never come inside,
a kiss on the cheek and nothing more,
you say, "what's that look?" and i lie about everything.

CHORUS
and when you're driving home in your car,
do you ever wish he was me?
changing your whole life would be so hard,
so you just don't say anything,
we don't say anything...
anything.

:: widescreen ::

I read a lot of self-help and i'm practically obsessed with self-development and related subjects. Since i watch a lot of movies i started thinking about how the things you can't see about yourself are like the non-letterboxed version of your life -- there's plenty that gets cut off, that you aren't even aware of what still goes into moving your life story forward. i still prefer stardard screen viewing as opposed to widescreen. Maybe there are things i'm still not ready to see.

follow this story line from there to here
don't get lost like me along the way
i know i'll make it through tomorrow and on and on and on
but i don't think i'll get through today

and if the train don't stop, well it's not my train
but that don't mean that it won't come again

CHORUS
i don't think i've ever felt the way i feel tonight
it's like i'm suddenly seeing the widescreen version of my life
yesterday was cropped to fit my screen
and i can't believe how much i hadn't seen
i can't believe how much i hadn't seen

where do i fit in this story?
i didn't mean to write this tale of woe
they say you can't always get what you want
well i guess i remember that's how that old song goes
and it goes and goes, let it go

because what is meant for me won't pass me by
but does that mean that i don't have to try

CHORUS

BRIDGE
save the commentary as the story unfurls
i know it all already, chapter and verse
save the footage from behind the scenes
but won't you help me understand what it means
i need to understand what it means
i want to understand what it means

CHORUS

:: my mother's only daughter ::

My ode to the ills of dating and trying to remain resillent and not become like your parents. Thanks to ben (wherever he is) for telling me that the only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were.

one more thing to forget
shred my emotional evidence
tell me would you regret it
if we'd never met?

one more truth to invent
one more fish to reel in
one more way to pretend
this all means something

CHORUS
talk to me like i care
touch me like i'm really there
and i guess all i've ever learned
is that there's nothing so bad as being alone in this world...
than wishing you were.

one more thing for re-sale
one more way you learned to bail
one more dog wagged by the tail
into a busy street

and, oh, one more man turned sour
meet me for unhappy hour
nothing can stop a flower
from blooming through concrete.

CHORUS

one more love story truncated
can this emptiness ever be sated?
i hate being so damned contemplative
but, hey man, aww, that's just how i am.

so go, take it as far as you can
i'm going to stay where i am
because i can't be led like a lamb
to another slaughter
like i'm my mother's only daughter
like i'm my mother's only daughter
i'm not my mother's only daughter.

CHORUS

do you wish you were?

one more thing to forget
shred my emotional evidence
tell me would you regret
if we had never met?

:: francis ::

i decided that i needed a name song, so i made a list of names and since three of the most important people in my life are named francis/es, i chose this one, because i could picture myself talking to any of them. people always connect with this song for some reason. of course, frances likes to think it's about her, but it's not. :-) it's the first song i wrote that i felt really proud of.

it's the little things that keep me alive
two years come and gone, well, francis, you know i know how to survive
but this act of self-preservation is just another phony lie
but i still try
i still try
i stil try
though...

CHORUS
we don't talk on the phone anymore at night
and you have no idea what's going on in my life
well francis you won't believe what just occurred to me:
forever's not as long as it used to be.

and i want to stuff myself with more food than i can eat
i want to f*ck someone that i just meet
see, since i was a kid, i'm used to feeling more defeated than complete
and i live at this crazy extremes just to feel anything
sometimes i can't feel anything
cuz we don't...

CHORUS

Does he know i read his letters? does he know you said you liked me much better? does he know the words to tori amos' 'leather'?
have you told him how quickly these kinds of things can sever?
and i've been too forgiving, too polite, too unable to sleep at night
i've been so righteous for so long, and life just keeps going on and on
life keeps rolling on and on, life keeps going on and on
though we don't...

talk on the phone anymore at night
and you have no idea who's in my bed to night
and francis, you won't believe what just occurred to me
forever's not as long as they said would be
no, no, forever's just not as long as it used to be

and it's a shame but it's true
sometimes i still love you
but they just don't make forever like they used to.

:: swallowed whole ::

One of my personal favorites. I remember running home from work at lunch (when i could run home from work) and just playing this song over and over. It's about not wanting to deal, using addictions to tv, movies, attention, relationships, magazines, shopping, etc., and realizing that it will never be enough. Sad days. Sometimes songs are like boats that carry you across something: a breakup, mundane life, ins and outs, the pain of self-realization. This one has carried me farthest.

you catch your prey
but then, it eats you up and then you say
you thing it's strange,
but you never know the way that feeling not enough will show up, and
sometimes love just exists to justify the lust you feel
like a prize, an end to all the searching for something that feels real

i feel that way most of the time:
i'm scared to lose the things i love
i'd like to say 'i'm fine.'
but if you want someone who can disappear
right into his fears, well
i'm right here.

CHORUS
sometimes i wanna be swallowed whole
consumed by something i can't be and i don't know
and i'm just like everyone else
trying to fill up this hole inside myself
and i've had my fill
and i'm still
still hungry.

it's a miracle, we made it this far
with the sense that nothing is ever up to par
these american wounds can't heal
if we keep fingering the scars

nothing works like it should
and nothing feels as good as they advertised it would
but it you want someone who
mastered the art of being numb
well, here i come

CHORUS

you want someone who can come undone and still look OK well, it's your lucky day

i'm just like everybody else
i'm just like everybody else
i'm just like everybody else
i'm just like everybody else

:: 24 hours ::

i really wanted to write a song that was like a red house painters song. however, i am not mark kozelek so i couldn't do it, but this was my attempt. this was the third song i ever wrote and i really was motivated by the speed at which life can transmogrify your fears, your hopes, your whole life into something pretty unrecognizable in a fairly short amount of time: you find the lump, the person says yes, you quit your job, you leave a bird in the hand for the freedom from having any birds at all, you find the note from someone else to your lover. i always find something new to think about when i sing this song and it makes me believe in it and get behind the meaning all over again.

just like the morning light that falls on the floor
the angle changes so slow
but still it moves towards the door.
well, yesterday, i thought i knew you
thought i was the one you loved so much
but when pushin' came a'callin'
you shoved.

twenty four hours
i didn't know we could change that much
twenty four hours
i didn't know i could say 'that's enough'
o, twenty four hours

i guess i was looking for some kind of false security
something to anchor me down
i never counted on life's immaturity
til you let me down.
and yesterday i thought i knew you
thought you were the one i could believe
but when pushin' comes to shovin'
you leave.

twenty four hours
i didn't know life could change that quick
twenty four hours
i didn't want us to be like this
o, twenty four hours

yesterday you were my strong man of steel
someone that i could trust
and even though one and one is still two
now you and me don't mean us
and after a little bad weather and temptation, baby
you rust

twenty four hours
i didn't know i could live without your love
twenty four hours
i didn't know i could say 'that's enough'
twenty four hours
i didn't know we could change that quick
twenty four hours
i didn't want life to be life this

just twenty four hours ago
just twenty four hours ago
just yesterday, o, just yesterday
we were we, not just me
we were we, not just me

:: doubled back ::

This is the first song I ever wrote.

i got something to say but it won't come out right
i got something to change but it might take all night
want something to take to make this feel right

i got something to do but i feel uncertain
got someplace to be where i won't be hurting
want something to take away this searching

i've been down this road, i know
and i've doubled back but this time the going's slow
did everything right, but there's still no hope
sometimes it's hard letting go

i got something to prove but no one's listening
got nothing to lose, but i'm not winning
want something to change this life i been living

got someone to meet but i don't know him
got someplace to leave but i'm not going
want someone to break this heart and leave it open

i've been down this road, i know
and i've doubled back but this time the going's slow
did everything right, but there's still no hope
sometimes it's hard letting go
it's hard knowing when to go

i got something to say but it won't come out right
i got something to change but it might take all night
want someone to take this dark and make it light

:: brad ::

i wanted to write a song about a certain kind of person, a certain kind of man who is finding their way, growing up. i used my friend brad as a template, but it's not about him. really. no seriously, it's not. ;-)

you've taken their shit for the last time
you've taken their shit again for the last time
and in the midst of all of it, your self deprecation never quits
you just want everything before it's time
but i know everything will be fine.

you're disillusioned for the last time
you've let them use you again for the last time
why is life an incessant drama? take another tab of 'x' if you wanna
anything you need to make it through another night
anything you need to make you feel alright.

brad, o, don't be sad,
you dance all night and have your fun
and everyone says they had a blast
o, brad,
everyone's amazed how quickly another day can fade
into the past

now, it's all the past.

you've done it again for the last time
you've had your big fun again for the last time
well, never say never again, i know one day someone will let you in
and everything will click and fall in line
you really have to believe me this time

o, brad, don't get mad
everyone gets really bored
before they finally get up off their ass
and brad, it's not that bad
life slips through your fingers before you can linger
and get a good grasp

BRIDGE
you're 24 now, one day you'll be 30
maybe by then you'll think you're worthy
you're 24 now, one day you'll be 45
and maybe by then you'll realize the journey is why you're alive
be glad you're alive

you've done it again for the last time
you've let them use you again for the last time
you're disillusioned for the last time
you've taken their shit again for the last time

o, brad, it's not that bad
everyone get's really bored
before they finally get off their ass
and brad, don't be so sad
everyone's amazed how quickly another day can fade
into the past

and brad, it's easy for me to say
because i was once exactly that way
and brad, it's easy for me to see
because you're just like me
sometimes you're exactly like me

you've done it again, again for the last time.

:: i don't want to move ::

An early song that I wrote because I couldn't download a song by the same name that Lori Carson had posted on her Web site, so I decided to write my own. I wrote this and played it for F.J.R.IV and he said, "Ummm, do we need to talk?" I said no, not knowing that the songs were about 6 - 8 months smarter than me.

i've turned it over every angle
you know i love me and you
i'm not being stubborn, baby
it's just not what you wanted me to do

but i've wanted what i've wanted
and i've always gotten my just desserts
i can't go against my grain
even if it hurts

so for what it's worth...

i don't want to move
i don't want to go through all this again
i don't want to move
and sometimes i think we'd make better friends
but in the end
it's best that i can't pretend
because i don't want to move

we're swimming against the current
all that energy is wasted
we keep talking in these same circles
ending up at our starting places
these same sad faces

i don't want to move
i don't want to go through all this again
i don't want to change for you
and sometimes i think we'd be better off as friends
because in the end
it's better I can't pretend
i don't want to move, i don't want to move.

BRIDGE
i don't want to open cans of worms
or change the lessons that we need to learn
i don't want to stir the plot as it thickens
just to get you to listen
but there's something you keep missing.

i don't want to move
i don't want to go through all this again
i don't want to change for you
and sometimes i think we'd make much better friends
but in the end
you say the fear is my friend
but in the end
i'd do it all again
but i don't want to move
i don't want to move
i'm not gonna move

:: independence day ::

i wanted to write a song that was actually completely true and had lots of words and little details and was kind of epic. reminds me of one of my favorite songs, "Doll Parts": someday you will ache like i ache.... Mimi likes this song and that gives me a certain amount of confidence about it. (Thanks Meeems!)

i know it was whatever it was
i just know it wasn't love like you said it was
you told me stories and held my head
but how was i supposed to know you were a stone already bled
but you pulled it off for a little while
you became a free agent, i wrote you that song
and you pretended to be in love and alive
but who can believe their own tabloid stories that long?

CHORUS
but now i don't really have much faith in anything
and i don't really have a place to say what I think
and i stay up late watching bad TV cuz i can't sleep
and i hope one day you hurt like me
you hurt like me

remember when i thought we were over,
then you pulled me in the bathroom and you started to cry?
you grabbed me hard by both shoulders
and attempted some kind of meaningful look in the eye
you said "i love you, don't leave me,
i really don't know what the f*ck i'll do, i'm really really really confused"
and i lit up like a broke crack whore junkie
who finally figured out when his next fix was coming through

CHORUS

BRIDGE
i don't want to come off as some kind of victim
like you're the maestro leading this bleeding heart band
i took what you gave me like pop music on the radio
mindlessly singing along, when i didn't understand
no i didn't understand

did i tell you i didn't shave my beard for weeks
when you went on that vacation with your boyfriend?
i looked like a new age grizzly adams,
foraging your late night e-mails for signs our civilization had ended
then you came back and dropped that fake bomb
gave me a t-shirt that said Sundance 2001
and i blew up in an inner 4th of July firework show
foolishly thinking your independence day had come.

CHORUS

i didn't understand, no, i didn't understand
that
you don't really have much faith in anything
and you don't really have a place, and you can't sing
and you stay up late watching bad TV cuz you're boring
and i know you hurt like me
you were hurt like me
you passed the hurt on to me
you passed the hurt on to me
and i didn't understand

i know it was whatever it was
i just know it wasn't love like you said it was

:: the cure ::

people laugh sometimes when i play this song, but believe me, i'm dead serious about it. unfortunately, after i wrote it, i realized it was as much about the way all of us have blind spots in our pysches. it's a better song because of that universality, but hopefully no less of a stinging treatise against the person it was written about.

you're the trickiest magician
you move with quite a sleight of heart
you might fool the casual observer
but i know you end things before they start

you didn't want to be like your brother
he keeps people at arm's length
your self-awareness must be in the garbage at the gutter
and i'm the f*cker choking on the stench.

you say you're moving on
but you're not ready to
there's so much you say but what's a boy to do
when you don't have the courage to do what feels right
because it might hurt?
and you don't want to take the cure
because you know how well it works
you know how well it works

you're the slickest politician
you say what people want to hear
but somehow through the static of your lip service
who you are comes through loud and clear

you didn't want to be like your daddy
cuz he never knew what he had.
but underneath your pleasant matching colors
are emotionally incongruent plaids

you say you're letting go
but you're not ready to
there's so much you say but none of it is true
when you don't have the courage to do what feels right
because it might hurt?
and you don't want to take the cure
because you know how well it works
you know how well it works

instrumental

you're the deadliest of enemies
because you look just like a friend
sorry charley you're a long sad story
and i can't wait for it to f*cking end.

you say you're letting go
but you're not ready to
there's so much you say but what's a boy to do
when you don't have the courage to do what feels right
because it might hurt?
and you don't want to take the cure
because you know how well it works
you know how well it works

you're the trickiest magician
you move with quite a sleight of heart
you might fool the casual observer
but i know you end things before they start

:: some bends ::

Sometimes you really can't see something coming in relationships. Days of subtle anxiety and mild misery play kissy face with some of the most perfect, blissful times. this song was one of the first where i tried to capture that off center, contradictory feeling in relationships. how it can be stunning -- as in to be stunned -- to realize that the signs were there all along, right next to the good times, and therefore negating each other. At those times it feels like your future is blindsiding you.

the sun came out shining anyway
but we went back on inside
picked yellow flowers bled and faded
petals on the table where they lie

you go on and on about the weather
and how the day disappointed
i remember finding that bluejay flailing
and you just stopped and pointed
you just stopped and pointed

CHORUS 1
leaves crush beneath my shoe
when i'm walking in the yard
seasons change, we do too
o these days
these days, being happy is so hard

i want to balance you like a bank book
and register what has cleared
i used to love being up in the air around you
but who could really live here?

we meet at the park because it's halfway
we're tired from the day working
a plane above lowers its landing gear
then it just keeps circling
o it just keeps circling

CHORUS 2
i don't know what to do
i'm walking in the yard
empty day before me, like you
o these days
these days, being happy is so hard

BRIDGE
we threw birthday parties
we stayed in bed all sunday
we watched movies and we laughed

we opened christmas presents early
we stayed in bed with out books and papers
we ate in restaurants and held hands

i guess some bends in the road are impossible to think about
i guess some bends in the road are impossible to steer
i guess some bends in the road are impossible to see around
i guess some bends in the road are impossible to steer
i guess some bends in the road are impossible to think about
i guess some bends in the road are impossible to steer
i guess some bends in the road are impossible to see around
i guess some bends in the road are impossible to steer
fade out....

:: when i was you ::

This song came almost fully formed from some region of my brain. It's about how in relationships, despite our healthy intentions, we usually end up being at least a little bit of who the other person wants to think we are. We, especially men, play this role sometimes unconsciously. It's also about how sometimes it's easier to see what is best for someone else, and much harder when it comes to yourself, and how we also attempt to plug up the holes in our self-esteem with our addictions to consumerism and relationships. Whew!

i liked me better when i was you
i knew what i was supposed to
i liked it better when i could see
what was expected of me
take me back in time to before i was grown
help me to forget that i'm all on my own
i'm alone

CHORUS
how much stuff must i buy till i feel good enough?
with how many must i lie till i know i am loved?
and i keep trying the same routines
hoping to get some different things,
well maybe one day it will get through:
there's nothing for me to do.

i liked it better when you were me
you had more personality
and no one tells you who really
holds the reins in on being free...
take me back in time to when i was a little kid
and give me all the things that i didn't get
i didn't get them

CHORUS
how smart must i be until i'm barely acceptable?
how cute must i feel until i think i'm unrejectable?
and i keep trying the same routines
hoping to get some different things
maybe one day i'll undersand:
i can only be who i am
i am only who i am

BRIDGE:
is it that my daddy didn't love me enough?
is it that i don't pray?
is it that i never learned how to love?
is it that my baby didn't stay
he went away

i liked me better when i didn't try
i had nothing to hide and
no one seems to be bothered by
the things that terrorize me and
take me back in time before i could understand
what would be expected of me
being born this american man
i'm a man, yeah, i'm just a man

repeat choruses
and
maybe one day i will see:
i can only be me
i am only only me

© lucas j miré 2001-2006. All content on this website (including text, photographs, audio files, and any other original works), unless otherwise noted, is licensed under a Creative Commons license. All rights reserved.